Why Flying Sucks...Part 2

As stated in my last post, I think flying is a great way to get around. Any mode of transportation that can get me 1500 miles in 3 hours is okay in my book. The only thing that ruins it for me every time is the morons I meet along the way.

Security Part 2 -
The security people at the airport have now made it mandatory that you remove your shoes and jacket before stepping through the metal detector. You are also expected to remove belts, watches, and any other items that may set the machine off. Because the shoe removal thing is fairly new, the security guards (the ones checking your boarding pass AND the ones operating the machines) make it a point to clearly tell everyone to remove jackets and shoes. And yet there is always some dumbass who doesn't get the picture and holds up the line because he or she is too stupid to follow simple orders. Usually it is the person directly in front of me. Fucker.

Waiting at the Gate -
People like to talk on the phone while waiting at the gate. I do it too. However, some people need to realize that not everyone gives a shit about what is going on in thier lives. So please keep it to a reasonable volume level. I recently had the unfortunate luck of sitting near a woman shouting "I'M GETTING IN AT 7! DO YOU MISS ME POOKIE? I MISS YOU TOO! I'LL SEE YOU SOON BABY! I LOVE YOU! NO, I LOVE YOU MORE! MUFFINFACE I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I SEE YOU! NO, I LOVE YOU MORE!"

Meanwhile, I was contemplating where in the airport I would dispose of her body.

The Person Sitting Next To You -
Sometimes I like to talk to my seat buddies. Sometimes I don't. There is an easy way to determine which mood I am in. If I want to talk to you, I will strike up a conversation, or keep the conversation going if you start talking to me. If I don't want to talk to you, I will immediately take out a book and place my iPod in my lap while I wait to be able to use portable electronic devices. If I am clearly engaged in something else, DO NOT TALK TO ME. I hate when people make random comments such as "Wow, it's warm in here!" The last thing I need is for people to state the obvious while I am clearly busy with something else. Even more so, I hate when people ask me where I am headed. The plane is going to Atlanta. I'm wearing an Auburn University shirt. This isn't rocket science. When I have earphones in my ears, that is not your cue to start talking to me. Talk to the person on your other side, because I don't give a fuck.

Getting Off The Plane -
I like to sit near towards the back of the plane near the wing, in a window seat. I like this location because I am near the bathroom, I can watch the luggage being loaded and unloaded from the plane, and often times these seats don't fill up so I get an empty seat next to me. Also, I figure that if the plane were to suddenly crash headfirst into the ground, the other hundred or so passengers will break my fall. This, however, has its disadvantages. Being seated so far back means that I am one of the last ones off of the plane. This wouldn't be an issue if everyone could exit in a quick and orderly manner. But of course, they can't. First, there are always people ahead of me who can't seem to wrestle their carry on luggage out of the overhead compartment. The rest of us are forced to watch helplessly as about three people try to remove a suitcase that clearly should have been checked. Second, I HATE when the person sitting next to me decides to be all chivalrous and let EVERYONE else on the plane off before leaving. Just because they don't mind waiting, doesn't mean that I want to be crammed in my seat for an extra twenty minutes. If you want to let people go ahead of you first, then fine, but let me the fuck out of my seat first, because I've got places to be.

Luggage -
I like my large duffel bag because it is distinct and easy to spot on the luggage carousel. Most other people have identical black suitcases. Without fail, someone will always say "I don't know which one is mine. They all look the same!" That comment is fucking old. And I don't care. Just keep your mouth shut and get the hell out of the way when I move in to grab my bag.

And that's why I hate flying. I'm sure someday there will be a part 3 to this saga.