Some Parents Suck At Life (Part 1)

I am a day camp counselor. For the past three weeks I have spent a considerable amount of time studying my campers and the people who raised them. Here are just a few of the things I have noticed about some of the parents that really piss me off.

The Schedule:
At the beginning of every session, we pass out a schedule that lists the activities we have planned for each day of the week, along with a rough estimate of what time each activity will occur. Most days we manage to stick pretty close to the schedule, but sometimes things happen that cause us to deviate slightly. Sometimes the weather is a factor, sometimes there are problems with the bus, or sometimes we were unable to obtain the materials needed for a given activity. Whenever this occurs, we always make do by substituting a different activity. The kids never seem to really notice when this happens, because most of them don't care what they do, as long as it isn't school.

The parents, on the other hand, have heart attacks when little Billy comes home and says that he ate popsicles that day instead of watermelon. Or that he played whiffle ball instead of Red Rover. Seriously, who gives a shit? Is little Billy's life forever altered because he didn't ingest those few chunks of watermelon? No. Now, I would understand if on the schedule it said "Nature Hike," but we ended up taking them to the adult bookstore instead, but there is no need to nitpick about stupid shit like whether Susie came home with a popsicle stick picture frame or a macaroni necklace. I honestly think that if Susie came home and said that at 11:00 a.m. the counselors took turns beating her with a stick, her parents would yell at us, because the schedule clearly states that the beating should have been at 10:30 a.m., and with tire irons.

Drop-Off & Pick-Up
These same parents who bitch about the schedule seem to have a major problem sticking to it. It clearly states that drop-off is at 8:00 a.m. The kids usually get to play in the park for a while before we board the bus for camp, so it isn't a big deal if the parents come around 8:05 a.m. or so instead. The counselors are supposed to arrive at the Rec Center at 7:30 a.m., which gives us time to discuss the day's activities and make sure we have everything we need. We aren't expected to head over to the park until about 7:50 a.m. or so. And yet, every day when I pull into the Rec, there are already parents waiting at the park. One kid even got there as early as 7:15 a.m. once. Then when we get over to the park, the parents bitch about us being late. WE are not late. YOU are way too fucking early. I'm sorry if you are that eager to unload your brat on us, but we aren't quite as excited about it as you are.

As if the early drop-off isn't bad enough, these same parents who force their children on us 30 minutes before they are supposed to can't seem to work that same magic in the afternoon. Pick-up is supposed to be no later than 3:00 p.m. And yet every day at 3:08 p.m., there is always at least one kid sitting there waiting. How great is that for a child's self-esteem?

"I love you, but not enough to pick you up on time so you don't feel like a loser."

Also, some kids start worrying that something terrible has happened to their mom or dad. Then the parent shows up and says something like "Sorry, I was too busy scratching my ass to look at the clock."

There are also the ones that are just too damn lazy to even get out of the car. Some probably wouldn't even stop the car if they didn't have to sign the sign-out sheet.

"Okay Billy, Mommy has to get to Yoga class! Come jump in the window! No...run faster...no, I can't slow down...that's it...okay jump...ouch, that looks like it hurt...oh well I can't turn around. Just spend the night here. That way I don't have to drop you back off in the morning."

Idiots.

Stay tuned for my next post: "Lunches: And you wonder why your kid is fat."